The DungeonMistresses Control All!
by nova-kitty
Summary: A Wayfarer Redemption Fic whereby three seemingly innocent girls wreak havoc, one Icarii Enchanter at a time.
1. the Getaway from Mrs Brand

The DM  
  
"Mwahahahaha! Bow to the almighty DM!" I screeched.  
  
"Ely, calm down. You're going to scare somebody." Rachel said.  
  
"My feelings exactly." Jessica concurred.  
  
"The myhomes are going to get you." I muttered.  
  
"You can't use the myhomes! The myhomes are MINE!" Now Jessica was screeching.  
  
"Fine! Y'all can go to the dungeon and Mr. Tentacle Tinkle Figaro FatFish can put you all in straightjackets."  
  
"Who's Mr. Tentacle Tinkle Figaro FatFish?" Rachel asked.  
  
"He's the big fish with tentacles who likes to put everybody in straightjackets." Jessica told her.  
  
"And he's currently pissed at Megan because she went off and left him shrunk to the size of a goldfish and in a goldfish bowl."  
  
"Okay. Can we actually get going now?"  
  
Just then Mrs. Brand, the annoying Science Olympiad coach came back into the room.  
  
"Okay, guys, time to get to work on Picture This."  
  
"Picture This!"  
  
"Not Picture This!"  
  
Complaints erupted.  
  
"Yes, Picture This." Mrs. Brand said.  
  
"Mrs. Bra-and!!" I whined.  
  
"E-ly!" she said in her annoying, I'm-trying-to-be-a-student-and-making-a- fool-of-myself-while-I-do voice.  
  
"MEOW!!"  
  
"What in freaking hell is that?" Rachel said.  
  
"It sounded like a cat." Jessica replied.  
  
"Meow!" It sounded again, fainter this time.  
  
"Theres a cat in the school!" I said.  
  
"A cat in the school?" Mrs. Brand echoed.  
  
"I'll go see." I said, opening the door and looking around.  
  
"We'll come with you." Rachel said, pushing me out the door. She and Jessica came out as well.  
  
We wandered along the halls. Just as we were passing the girl's bathroom, we heard it again.  
  
"MEOW!"  
  
"It's in there!" I said, dashing in.  
  
"No duh, Ely." Jessica said sarcastically. "We have ears. We can hear."  
  
We all looked around the bathroom.  
  
"Where is it?" I asked.  
  
"I wouldn't know. Look in the stalls or something."  
  
I peered into each of the stalls. Searching the bathroom didn't take long.  
  
"There's nothing here."  
  
"I noticed." I said dryly.  
  
"Guys. Come here." Rachel said.  
  
"What is it, Rachel? There's nothing here."  
  
"No, look!" she pointed to the bottom of the mirror.  
  
"A cat!" Jessica exclaimed.  
  
"Maybe it's trapped in the mirror?" I suggested, looking at where the cat would have to be to be shown in the mirror like that.  
  
"It couldn't be. The first time we heard it it was like, right next to the door." "But there's no cat here!" I said.  
  
"Me-ow!" It sounded indignant now. I looked around. Still no cat.  
  
"Maybe it only shows up in mirrors." Rachel said.  
  
"Yeah!" I said. "I bet it's invisible."  
  
"Meow!"  
  
"It's cute!" Jessica said, reaching out to touch the mirrored cat.  
  
Her hand went through the glass. 


	2. ITS NOT COLD

A/N now that the story is actually going somewhere, I will have to start waiting for reviews to write anymore and Rachel don't be mean or somebody will violate your bubble *grins*  
  
Disclaimer: now that the story is actually going to include charries that I don't own, I don't own them! Wayfarer Redemption isn't mine! (But I do hope to own the books someday)  
  
"COOL!!!!!!!!!" We all yelled. I shivered. Now that Jessica's hand had gone through, the mirror wasn't there anymore. Instead what lay before us was an icy land, covered in snow. Further on, there was a fort ringed by a town. The town was obviously deserted.  
  
"I think I need to go get something." I said  
  
"Your coat?" Jessica asked.  
  
"It's not cold." I said.  
  
"Not cold? It's friggin' well covered with ICE out there, Ely."  
  
"So? I am an allmighty DM. That doesn't bother me."  
  
"So what do you want to go get?" Rachel asked.  
  
"Think about that for one second Rachel." I said. She did.  
  
"OH!" she said, a grin lighting her face.  
  
I departed. When I came back, I had my pencil in my hair, a ballpoint pen for Rachel and Jessica, and a highlighter. I also carried my backpack. With my two flashlights and numerous things to beat people with, draw on, and write on in it.  
  
"Look, Ely, there's the cat! You can see the cat now!" Jessica said. Indeed, sitting underneath the sink was a smallish cat. It was mostly white, with spots of brown tabby. It was one of the cutest things I had ever seen, the fact that it was obviously not a kitten anymore not withstanding (FUN WORD) Rachel sneezed.  
  
"I say we leave it behind." she said.  
  
"Nonsense. You'll be better once we go out there. It comes with."  
  
"Ely do you want it to freeze?"  
  
"It won't freeze."  
  
"You don't actually mean we're going out there without our coats." Jessica said.  
  
"Well since I'm hoping that in the true fantasy tradition we will get cool clothes that match the place we're going to, yes, I do mean we're going there without our coats." I said.  
  
"Not to mention the fact that we don't HAVE coats, being as here it's like seventy degrees out?" Rachel said.  
  
"That too." I agreed.  
  
"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Jessica asked.  
  
"Anything to get out of Picture This." I said.  
  
"It's not like I have to do Picture This." she said. "I'm just here until you guys are done with this and my mom picks us up."  
  
"Well we do, and we say, let's go!" I said.  
  
"I agree! Especially since we'd just have to do Experimental Design after Picture This." Rachel said.  
  
"Mwhahahaha! The DM prevails!"  
  
"Excuse me?" Jessica said indignantly. "I am the one who's usually DM!!"  
  
"Yeah, well, I've been DM most lately, so anyway..." I grabbed her arm. "Let's go!" I said as I stepped into the landscape in the mirror.  
  
"Holy shit..." Jessica's swear trailed off as we stepped onto ice and looked around.  
  
"Hey!!" I said, remembering. "I forgot the cat!" I turned around, looking for the mirror. The mirror was gone. "But what about the kitty?" I asked.  
  
"You left it behind, Ely. And we can't exactly go back for it." Jessica said.  
  
"You guys! I'm not cold!" Rachel interrupted. I jumped.  
  
"Me neither." I said. "That is too cool!!!!" I shrieked. Five yards away, from behind a lump of ice, many armored men stepped out. One of them looked oddly familiar. I could feel Rachel creeping up next to me.  
  
"Is that who I'm starting to think he is?" I asked her in an undertone.  
  
"An incredibly hot guy in armor who looks regrettably like he's going to kill us with a freakily sharp and pointy-looking sword?" Jessica asked.  
  
Another man stepped up beside the first.  
  
"Axis, these don't look like Skraelings to me." he said.  
  
I burst out laughing hysterically.  
  
"It is! It is! It really is! Mwahahaha!"  
  
"Jessica, resist. He doesn't deserve to be as hot as he is. He sleeps with like every girl he meets." Rachel said so that the men in armor couldn't hear.  
  
"Rachel. I have read Wayfarer Redemption now too and I personally don't think he's that bad."  
  
"Silence!" He-in-armor said. "What are you, um, people doing out here?"  
  
"We happen to be mourning because I forgot the cat." I said.  
  
"Hey. You happen to be mourning. I'm certainly not." Rachel said.  
  
"Oh forget about the dumb cat won't you?" Jessica said.  
  
"What cat?" the man who had talked to Mr. Leader asked. "Any cat out here would be frozen. You can't even touch armor without pulling your fingertips off."  
  
"Really?" I asked. "Cool!!!"  
  
"Ely, control your sadistic tendencies for the moment please." Rachel said.  
  
"Okay, okay." I grumbled, then turned to Mr. Hot-in-armor, who had waved Mr. Frozen Armor back. "You would be Axis?" I asked him.  
  
"Yes." he said. "who are you?"  
  
I whooped. My fantasies had been confirmed.  
  
"Ely how did you know his name?" Jessica asked.  
  
"Then you-" Rachel pointed to Mr. Frozen Armor. "Would be... Belial?"  
  
He looked stunned.  
  
"Yes." he said. "How did you know that?"  
  
"I second him" Jessica said. "How the hell did you know that?"  
  
"Because they're from the Wayfarer Redemption books!!!!" I shrieked.  
  
"Quiet!" Axis hissed. "Do you want the Skraelings to hear?" His patrol nodded.  
  
"Do we care?" I asked.  
  
"Ely, you're being mean." Rachel said.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Will somebody PLEASE explain what is happening?" Jessica whined.  
  
"We're in the Wayfarer Redemption books!!" I said again.  
  
"Belial." Axis said. "Help me think of something to do with these three." Belial, though, was staring at us with a puzzled look on his face.  
  
"I am curious to know," He said "why it is that these three, who cannot be more than thirteen-"  
  
"FOURTEEN!" we all said simultaneously, indignantly, and rather loudly.  
  
"Fourteen then." He glared at us. "Can be standing there in such scanty, and I admit outrageous, clothes, while we freeze under layers and armor."  
  
"I also am curious." Axis said.  
  
"They are Forbidden! It is the only explanation!!" one of the men in the back of the patrol said.  
  
"We are not!" Jessica protested.  
  
"You don't even know what the Forbidden ARE, Jess." Rachel said.  
  
"I WISH we were Forbidden." I said. "Or Icarii, at least."  
  
"How is it that you know so much?" Axis said. "And we are all waiting to hear your explanation of being out here in such clothes."  
  
"We HAPPEN to be from another world, and we also HAPPEN to be very much superior to any of you." Rachel said. "Especially you." she said to Axis.  
  
"WE ARE THE DUNGEONMISTRESSES!!!!!!" I said. 


	3. Of Vanilla Cokes and EYES

A/N: Nooooo!! The computer deleted what I had! I finished the last Wayfarer Redemption book and now must embark on a quest to own them!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Why I continue to include this escapes me, but I don't own the Wayfarer Redemption characters. But that fact will not prevent me from beating them!!!!!  
  
"Ignore her." Rachel said dryly. "All you really need to know is that we are superior to you in every way, shape and form, and you might as well accept it or we will kick your asses from here to Nova Scotia, and seeing as that's not even in this dimension, that's a really, really long way."  
  
"Rachel! You ruined my dramatic moment!!!" I wailed.  
  
"And you just ruined my moment of dry, sadistic comments."  
  
"They don't look like Forbidden to me, Belial." Axis said.  
  
"No they don't."  
  
"WHAT ARE THE FORBIDDEN??????" Jessica yelled  
  
"Nevermind, we'll tell you later. In the meantime, the EYES are creeping up on those people." I said.  
  
"The EYES?" Belial asked.  
  
"The EYES!" Rachel said. "The ghosty icky things with big silver eyes who are currently creeping up on you!!"  
  
"What???" some of the people in the back said, turning around in terror.  
  
I snickered. Rachel looked delighted. Jessica looked scared stiff.  
  
"This is obviously a violent book." she said.  
  
"ATTACK!" Axis yelled.  
  
"In formation! Now!!" Belial continued.  
  
"OH! I WANT ONE!!" I screeched  
  
"Ely you're being hyper." Rachel informed me.  
  
"Yes and I have two Vanilla Cokes in my backpack."  
  
"You do? Oh no." Jessica groaned.  
  
"OH YES!!" I screeched.  
  
"Strange, strange..." the Skraelings whispered, falling in on themselves and backing off slightly.  
  
"GET THEM!" Axis roared. His men, heartened by the Skraelings fear, plunged into the seething mass.  
  
"VANILLA COKE!!!!"  
  
"Ely, please, please calm down." Jessica said. "You're scaring even me now. And since when do you like Vanilla Coke?"  
  
"Since today. First day I ever tried it. It's now my favorite drink in all the world." I said.  
  
"Ely. There is no Vanilla Coke here." Rachel said.  
  
I gasped. "I'm stuck in Wayfarer Redemption with only two Vanilla Cokes!! That's all!!"  
  
"Poor Ely." Jessica said.  
  
"You won't die." Rachel said unsympathetically.  
  
"I NEED THE SWEET JOYS OF SUGARED CAFFEINE!!" I screeched.  
  
"Oh no." Jessica moaned.  
  
"Vanilla Coke, my friends, Vanilla Coke, my friends, the sweet, sweet joys of sugared caffeine!"  
  
"Ely shut up." Rachel said.  
  
"But it's the ode to Vanilla Coke!" I said. "Vanilla Coke, my friends, Vanilla Coke, my friends, the sweet, sweet joys of sugared caffeine!"  
  
Axis turned away from the battle with the Skraelings (most of which were dead by now) and looked at us in a (highly) irritated way.  
  
"Will you SHUT UP?" he asked  
  
"Sweet, sweet joys of sugared caffeine!" I sang happily. "Huh?"  
  
"Can either of you make that... thing... be quiet?" Belial said, also turning away from the few remaining Skraelings.  
  
"I can't." Jessica asserted.  
  
"Every now and then. At the moment, I really doubt I can, because she happens to have like three Vanilla Cokes in her system." Rachel said.  
  
"What is a vanilla coke?" Belial asked.  
  
"THIS!" I screeched, pulling out a can.  
  
"That doesn't look like much of anything." Axis said.  
  
"It's the can. The coke is inside." I explained.  
  
"Oh forget it." Axis turned back to the battle. The battle was over. "Lets get back to the town." he told the men.  
  
"What are we going to do with them?" Belial asked.  
  
"I don't know. I'm sure you can figure something else."  
  
"They can ride double until we get back to Gorkentown."  
  
"Excuse me???" Rachel said incredulously. "That would mean self-inflicted bubble violation."  
  
"Normally I wouldn't care, but this time I agree." I said. "We will walk."  
  
"You'll walk?" he asked.  
  
"Oh God Ely. I don't wanna walk." Jessica said. "Walk where?" she asked in an undertone.  
  
"To that town down there." I pointed to the town in the near-distance.  
  
"THAT'S WAY TOO FAR!!!" she shrieked.  
  
"Then you can take the riding option." Rachel said simply.  
  
Jessica eyed the bulky, frozen armor of the men. "Oh fine." she grumbled. "I give. I'll walk."  
  
"Good choice." I said.  
  
"There is something wrong with those three." Belial murmured to Axis.  
  
"I HEARD THAT!" Jessica said.  
  
"It doesn't matter whether you heard that or not. And before we take you anywhere, you need to answer those questions we asked earlier."  
  
"What questions?" I asked innocently.  
  
"YOU KNOW WHAT QUESTIONS!!!" he roared.  
  
"Oh! THOSE questions!!" Rachel said.  
  
"Well, for as how we know so much, that would be because you, you, and, well, all of you, are from a book!!" I yelled excitedly.  
  
"ELY!! You shouldn't have told them that!" Rachel cried.  
  
"Why not?" I asked her.  
  
"I really don't know." she said.  
  
"And we've already explained about the clothing thing. This," I gestured at my jeans and netty with a tan tank top over it, "is what real people wear."  
  
"You said it." Rachel applauded me.  
  
"It was nothing. M&M?"  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Mine then." Jessica said.  
  
"I'm not sure I have any. There might be a package where the lint lives, though."  
  
"'Where the lint lives?'" Another person on the patrol stepped up.  
  
"My pocket. 'Where the lint lives.' These people are so culturally illiterate."  
  
"Can't exactly blame them can you?" Jessica said.  
  
"I guess not. You might want to save these." I said, pulling a package of peanut butter M&M's out of my pocket. "Seeing as we can't get any more."  
  
"Ugh." Jessica groaned.  
  
"I know." I sighed.  
  
"CAN WE BE GOING NOW?!?!" Axis said (loudly).  
  
"Okay, okay. Jeez." Jessica said. 


	4. Diet Power Pills, Dude

A/N Mwahaha!!  
  
Sometime later....  
  
"My Lord! His lordship Axis and his patrol have returned!"  
  
"Send them in!!!" We were pushed into a room in which sat a rather large man and his minions.  
  
"Whoa," Rachel said staring at the men in the center of the room. "Dude, I have two words for you both. DIETARY SUPPLAMENT."  
  
"You can't say shit like that to the dukes." I smacked her.  
  
"I just said shit like that to the dukes." She snapped. "Not that they know what diet power pills are."  
  
"That's true."  
  
"What are they?!" Rachel's new friend boomed.  
  
"We haven't been able to figure that out yet." Axis said.  
  
"What are they like?" a fat man behind the large man asked.  
  
"Well, they talk... constantly." Belial told them.  
  
"OH! I know who you guys are too!!!!!!" I screeched. "You," I pointed to the first man. "Are Duke Borneheld of Ichtar. And you," I pointed to the fat man. "Are Duke Roland of I don't know where."  
  
"We're forbidden." Jessica said innocently.  
  
"SEIZE THEM!!!" Duke Borneheld shouted.  
  
"Well technically, we're not Forbidden." Rachel said as the guards closed in.  
  
"You'll have to forgive Jessica, she doesn't know what the Forbidden ARE. I just said it would be cool to be Forbidden."  
  
"HERETICS!!" he shouted again.  
  
"You really don't have to shout." I said, rubbing my ears.  
  
"They seem to be quite harmless." Belial informed them.  
  
"Aside from the fact that they know everybody." Axis said bitterly.  
  
"Correction. WE know everybody. SHE knows us, and that's it."  
  
"And why is that?" another man, with a scar on his cheek stepped up to interrogate.  
  
"That, Lord Magariz, would be because she hasn't read the Wayfarer Redemption books." Rachel informed him. He fell back looking pale.  
  
"I'M BORED!!!" I told the room.  
  
"Good for you." Jessica said.  
  
"If I don't get out of this place I am going to go crazy and start beating certain people!!"  
  
"Uh-oh." Rachel said. "Which book?"  
  
"Ummm... I don't know. Maybe the green one, maybe Enchanter." I said.  
  
"You brought Enchanter?" she asked.  
  
"Uh-huh, and Wayfarer Redemption, and StarMan."  
  
"And you plan to beat these people with those?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it's ironic?"  
  
"I'm still bored. Can we go now?"  
  
"Cease this chatter!!!" Borneheld ordered.  
  
We looked at each other and grinned.  
  
"Chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter, chitter, chatter!!!"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"BUT YOU SAID CHATTER!!!!!!!" We shrieked.  
  
"Oh, Artor!" he swore. "Take them away and do something with them. Lock them up, I don't know. But get them out of here!"  
  
"Will do." Belial said. Axis looked annoyed. Two of the other men and Belial stepped up and grabbed our arms.  
  
"BUBBLE VIOLATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rachel screeched. The man holding her dropped her arm and stepped back hurriedly.  
  
"I won't shriek, but she has a point. HANDS OFF!!" Jessica said.  
  
"I will beat you with the book you are in if you don't let me go." I threatened. The man holding Jessica and Belial (holding me) let us go. "Thank you." I said. "Now then, lets go." I led the way out.  
  
"Do you have any idea where you're going?" Axis asked after we got out the door.  
  
"No." I replied.  
  
"But does that really matter?" Rachel asked.  
  
"Come back here and explain what Forbidden are!" Jessica demanded.  
  
"Coming." Rachel and I chorused. We turned around to walk with Jessica.  
  
"The Forbidden are the two races that are discriminated against in this world. The Avar, those're tree people-"  
  
"Like dryads?" she interrupted.  
  
"No. They just like the forest. And the Icarii are the winged people."  
  
"Which is why Ely wants to be an Icarii." Rachel finished.  
  
"Oh." Jessica said. "And why are they 'Forbidden?'"  
  
"Because all these loser humans-"  
  
"Called Acharites," I interrupted.  
  
"are complete and utter idiots."  
  
"I guess that makes sense." She admitted. We followed the men as they led the way through the fort.  
  
Reviews:  
  
Rachel: Vanilla cokes are NOT ick. They are the most lovely drink in the universe  
  
Nicole: You're an idiot. There. Posted on the internet for all to see. Nicole, my sister, FoxFizz or whatever, is the most annoying creature on the planet. 


	5. Once again the cultural illiteracy is dr...

A/N: I have skipped some time here, because I ran out of ideas at the last one. So, we have been taken down to the town when Axis gets the appointment for head of town defenses.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it!! *sob* I don't!! I don't even own the books!! I just like to write fanfics!! DON"T SUE BECAUSE ALL I HAVE IS 5 DOLLARS AND A CREDIT CARD WITH ONE DOLLAR ON IT!! *breaks down*  
  
"This is patently ridiculous." Jessica said.  
  
"It's cool." Rachel corrected her.  
  
"Yeah!! While everyone else gets frostbite, we're perfectly fine!!!!!!" I said. We were walking down the battlement of the fortified Gorkentown in a blizzard. And, as indicated, even in capri's and short sleeves, we were perfectly fine. I was a little hyper, and ever so slightly pissed off because both the Vanilla Cokes were frozen.  
  
"Who goes there?" a wallguard challenged our unfamiliar voices.  
  
"A tasty, tasty..." I whispered, imitating the Skraelings.  
  
"A pretty, pretty..." Rachel joined in, grinning.  
  
"SKRAELINGS ON THE WALL!!! 'WARE!!" the guard shouted.  
  
"Whoa!! Not cool!!!!!!!!!!!" Jessica shrieked. "The icky toothy things on the wall? With us?"  
  
Through the snow came the looming figure of the wall guard. After him came another shadowy outline.  
  
"I should have known it would be you three." Axis said disgustedly.  
  
"Us three what?" Rachel said innocently.  
  
"So, um they're not Skraelings?" the wallguard asked cautiously.  
  
"No, they're not!" Axis snapped. "Go and tell the others it was a false alarm." He ordered the wallguard. "I'll take your post for the meantime."  
  
"Yes, sir!!" the wall guard saluted, and took off into the driving snow.  
  
Axis glared at us.  
  
"What were you thinking?" He asked.  
  
"You think they were thinking?" Jessica retorted.  
  
He considered.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IT TAKES GREAT INTELLECT AND VOCAL CONTROL TO IMITATE THOSE LITTLE MONSTERS!!!!!!!!" I informed him.  
  
"I couldn't have put it better myself." Rachel said. "Except for that himself over there probably doesn't have the intellect or vocal control to imitate them."  
  
Himself glared at us.  
  
"You've got the entire garrison in an uproar now, and all for the sake of your little tricks. What have you got to say for yourself?"  
  
"It wouldn't have happened if that cretin hadn't fallen for it!!!!!!!" I screeched.  
  
"Exactly. These people are morons. Nothing we can do about that." Rachel added.  
  
"They're jumpy!!! That's different from being morons!!" he yelled at us.  
  
"Aww, poor baby." Rachel cooed insultingly.  
  
"I think we touched a nerve." I commented.  
  
"Oh knock it off will you?" Jessica said, watching Axis cautiously for any sign of the removal of sharp steel from sheath.  
  
"You three, get down from here. I won't have you hanging around." he told us. And that was when the storm, quite suddenly and after three days, let up. Axis paled, seeming immediately to forget us. Rachel and I looked at each other with "I'm so evil" grins.  
  
"What's the significance of this?" Jessica asked.  
  
"It means the icky EYES are going to attack soon!!!!!!!" I shrieked.  
  
"And that is good HOW?" she asked.  
  
"A buncha these dolts here," she jerked a finger to all of the men standing in the town and on the wall, "are gonna die." She finished.  
  
"Yep!" I squeaked, jumping up and down.  
  
"Oh well that's good then." She agreed without sarcasm.  
  
Just then two angry guards came over.  
  
"You three!!! Civilians shouldn't be here!!! Let alone up on the wall." They attempted to inform us.  
  
"We happen to not be civilians." Jessica stated.  
  
"We're profits." Rachel said.  
  
"Ooh! Nice Dogma reference." I congratulated Rachel.  
  
"I know." She accepted immodestly.  
  
"You know the Prophecy?" they asked us. "Or you made the Prophecy?"  
  
"NO, it was a 'Dogma' reference, you morons!! God, these people are worse than Katie." Rachel berated them.  
  
"Who's Katie?" they asked with curiosity.  
  
"Katie was stolen by the evil school of Lighthouse, which also sent Stephen to torture us." I replied promptly.  
  
"What's Lighthouse?"  
  
"A private school that is very, very evil. It stole Katie." Jessica informed them. "That's all I know."  
  
"How does a school steal a person?" They asked.  
  
"It was her mom's fault!!! She sent Katie to Lighthouse because she's the principal or something." Rachel said.  
  
"Enough about Katie." I said.  
  
"What are you two doing up here?" Rachel demanded.  
  
"We came to bring you three down. We don't know when the Skraelings are going to attack, and it's unsafe up here." They said apologetically.  
  
"The EYES!!!" I yelped. "We can handle the ickies." I said.  
  
"I don't want to go anywhere NEAR those things!" Jessica disagreed.  
  
"I'll stab 'em with my pencil!!!!!!" I shrieked, drawing my pencil from out of my hair.  
  
"You do that Ely." Rachel said with studied indifference.  
  
"You'll have to forgive Ely. She has some steam to let off because the Vanilla Cokes are frozen." Jessica told them.  
  
"What's a Vanilla Coke?" came the inevitable question.  
  
"SEE?!?!" I screeched. "CULTURAL ILLITERATES!!!!!!!"  
  
"ELY!!" Rachel warned. "BE NICE!!"  
  
"Yes Rachel." I said sullenly.  
  
"Good Ely." She cooed.  
  
"Vanilla Coke is the most heavenly soft drink in the world!!!!" I told the two guards. "Vanilla Coke, my friends," I launched into my 'Ode to Vanilla Coke'.  
  
"ELY! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rachel grabbed the back of my neck.  
  
"No! Ow!" I wailed, cringing.  
  
"Why don't we go down now?" Jessica reasoned. "It will be much nicer."  
  
"Works for me." Rachel agreed, letting go of my neck.  
  
"Mehvethehehehvidevet... swipth.." I mumbled little whiny sounds of feigned pain and distress.  
  
"Is something wrong with her?" one of the guards asked concernedly.  
  
"No, she's just being Ely. Ely, stop whining." Jessica told me, threatening.  
  
"I will hit you both with the backpack!" I warned them.  
  
"We're going down, Ely." Rachel informed me.  
  
And so it was that we ended up stuck in a frigid (for other people, in any case), dilapidated town during the Skraeling attack that was to follow.  
  
A/N Yeah, I know it took awhile... *SOB*! NO REVIEWERS EXCEPT PEOPLE I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT COOL!!!! 


	6. The first Skraeling is dead

A/N: Lots of fun!!! Yay!! Killing Skraelings with a pencil!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Ya, I don't own it. Too bad. All I own is a nasty headache, sore throat, and a fever, and here I am at S.O. ...  
  
We were woken from our brief catnap in one of the houses in the town by the hurried preparations of the defenders. Yes, we were napping. Why not? We knew exactly what was going to happen, and when.  
  
"Uh-huh-huh..." I whined upon the jostling I received from Jessica. "I don' wanna get up..."  
  
"GET UP!!!!!!!" She roared into my ear.  
  
"Okay, okay, okay okay... Jeez." I muttered.  
  
"You won't believe what it takes to make you wake up." Rachel told me.  
  
"Yes I will. I've been informed of it several times by various people." I replied.  
  
"Well, anyhow, the killing is about to start." She said.  
  
"The KILLING??? Why didn't you tell me???" I shrieked, instantly wide awake.  
  
"Sadist. Because you wouldn't have heard." Jessica said.  
  
"Would too."  
  
"Would not."  
  
"Would too."  
  
"Would not."  
  
"Would too."  
  
"Would not."  
  
"Would too."  
  
"Would not."  
  
"Would too."  
  
"Would not."  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! She's a sociopath, not a sadist!!" Rachel yelled at us.  
  
"Would too." I finished. Jessica glared at me.  
  
"Come on, vamnos!" Rachel announced.  
  
"Where?" I asked.  
  
"Top of the wall." Jessica said, exasperated.  
  
"Why was I not informed of this?"  
  
"You were sleeping, intelligent one." Rachel said.  
  
"OH... Top o' the wall then." I acquiesced.  
  
"Gee, you think?" Jessica ridiculed.  
  
"You're making fun of me." I accused as we went out the door. Two men standing guard by the corner jumped at our sudden appearance.  
  
"Yo." Jessica acknowledged them.  
  
"What are civilians doing still here? And youngsters at that?" Guard No. One asked Guard No. Two.  
  
"I have no idea." Guard No. Two replied.  
  
"Then question the civilians!" Guard No. One told No. Two.  
  
"We can hear you, cretins." Rachel told them.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Guard No. Two asked us.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I asked in an annoying singsong voice.  
  
"We're the guards." Guard No. One said, looking faintly confused.  
  
"Well WE happen to be Dungeon Mistresses." I said, being overly dramatic.  
  
"It doesn't matter. Ely, stop arguing with the guards. Guards, stop interrogating us before I, um..." Jessica trailed off, trying to think of something to do to them.  
  
"Take Rachel's example and throw a book at them." I suggested, withdrawing my SAT Hot Words book out of my backpack and offering it to her.  
  
"Oh, that's right. Only it wasn't SAT Hot Words, it was Timeline." Rachel reminded me.  
  
"WELLSEY IS MY FRIEND!!!!!"  
  
"You had to get her started." Jessica accused Rachel.  
  
"But, but, it's, it's, TIMELINE!!"  
  
"HE'S MY KITTY!!!" I shrieked. The guards were, at this point, edging away. I grinned maniacally.  
  
"Ely, quit scaring people." Rachel ordered me.  
  
"But it's fun."  
  
"Yes, well, there is a slight problem." Rachel pointed up at the wall, where Axis was throwing a torch over the wall, illuminating the Skraeling masses. "They're going to attack."  
  
"COOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!" I started to hyperventilate, and brandished my pencil. "I get to kill de EYES!!"  
  
We ran up the steps to the top of the wall.  
  
"Ew, Ely, you know what happens when those things get killed." Rachel said, panting and glaring at the stairs.  
  
"What was that again?" Jessica asked.  
  
"The only way to kill them is to stab them in the eyes. And when you do that, their eyes explode, and you get covered in blood."  
  
"They do not explode."  
  
"Okay, so they don't exPLODE, they still spurt blood."  
  
"Cool by me." I said.  
  
"Ew, Rachel's right about you being a sociopath. Ely, Squeaky, what has happened to you?"  
  
"Middle school cynicism." I replied. Jessica scowled.  
  
Suddenly we realized that we were no longer alone on the walls. The other defenders had come up and were giving us a wide berth, glancing askance at the oddly dressed teenage girls in their midst. One, apparently braver than the rest, started to approach us- probably to lecture us once again about being on the wall, when the first of the Skraelings appeared. With a yell, I jumped on it, plunging the pencil into its eye and becoming immediately drenched with blood.  
  
"Yeek!!!!!!!!" I screeched, jumping back and examining my bright red hand and apparently ruined shirt. Jessica and Rachel looked at each other briefly.  
  
"Ely, we're, um, going down to protect ourselves from you. Goodbye." Jessica told me. I ignored her, shaking uncontrollably and muttering about my pencil (the mechanism has never been the same...) Battle on the wall had begun.  
  
A/N: Yeah, it has been an awfully long time hasn't it... sry 'bout that, I have to type everything at school because I can't post from my computer. And y'all know how school is... darn it all. That is also why this chapter is so horribly short. I thought I should be a good person for once and post it anyways.  
  
THERE IS A NEW REVIEWER!! SOMEBODY HAS ACTUALLY READ THIS BESIDES MY SISTER AND FRIENDS!!  
  
Greek Witch: *falls to knees and worships you* YAY!! Ice cream and yummy brownies for you!  
  
Musicnote25: you stop reviewing and you will suffer. 


	7. Clarence or Ralph?

Disclaimer: would a ultrahyper highschooler with a life taken over by marching band own Wayfarer Redemption? I DON'T THINK SO!

A/N so sorry about the long wait! DON'T KILL ME! (ducks incoming eggplants/squashes/pumpkins/cats from crowd.) I know I haven't updated since May, I know, I'm a bad person! Don't kill me, please! (ducks more yowling cats)

* * *

I was running along a passageway of the buildings in Gorkentown, the Skraelings having forced all the men down from the wall. I had gotten kind of bored of stab, stab, stab, too. Like I said, I was running along, when I saw Jessica and Rachel sitting by one of the buildings.

"Guys! Hey guys! EYES incoming!" I screeched at them.

"YAHG! It looks like Ely but IT'S RED!" Jessica screeched in turn.

"Jeez, it's just Skraeling blood. And I thought you would like to know that there is going to be an incoming tide of crazy men in armor followed by hordes of ickies coming in about TEN SECONDS!"

"Ely, you need to clean up." Rachel commented, ignoring my last statement.

"Nine!" I proclaimed.

"Seriously, you might even want to look into new clothes." she said.

"No way! Oh drat, here they come. Want a pen? You can all stab too!"

"Nuh-uh, Ely. We're not that crazy." Jessica informed me. "If you want to go bloodwashing, well, it's not really okay but there's nothing we can do about it. I certainly am not going to."

"Spoilsport." I accused, pulling her quickly up. Rachel grabbed the backpack, which I had incidentally left with them after the first Skraeling. We got to the other side of the building just as a horde of men in armor stampeded past us. A stray icky drifted into our little alley, whispering,

"A tasty..."

"OOH! I will catch it and love it and NAME IT CLARENCE!" I yelled, grabbing it. Clarence hissed at me.

"BAD CLARENCE!" I shrieked.

"It's name can't be Clarence, it has to be Ralph!" Rachel yelled at me.

"Clarence!"

"Ralph!"

"Clarence!"

"Ralph!"

"I think you should name it something pretty like DiamondEye." Jessica put in. Rachel and I stared at her in horror.

"Clarence!" I shouted.

"Ralph!"

"Okay, so it was a dumb idea." Jessica admitted.

"Clarence!"

"Ralph!" we continued.

"It's mine so we get to name it Clarence! Clarence is a better name anyways!"

"Ralph is so much a better name! Ralph, Ralph, Ralph!"

Clarence/Ralph was desperately trying to pull away from my (hyper-intense) grip, whispering,

"Eek, eek, eek..." in that very soft and whispery way that Skraelings have.

"Shut up Clarence." I snapped at him.

"Don't you mean shut up, Ralph?" Rachel queried.

"No! He's Clarence, catch your own icky and name it Ralph."

"Are you actually planning to keep that thing?" Jessica asked.

"Always!" I shouted. "AND HIS NAME IS CLARENCE!"

"Geez, ely, have it your way, he's clarence..." Rachel muttered.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

yeah, I know super short but WE MUST HAVE THE SKRAELING and anyhow we're working on chappie 8 already so this is getting posted first...


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